Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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