he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
