hotel room ftw
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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