is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
