His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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