Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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