I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
