why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
