Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish I could teleport
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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