i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
