What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
