We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
