Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
