All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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