remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
