Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
