i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Randomize
