Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
