yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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