Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
