i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize