We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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