Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
