woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
