if you like me you must not know who I am
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This baby is an asshole
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
