there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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