Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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