If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
