I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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