and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
