I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
