I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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