Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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