I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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