she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
