how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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