What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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