Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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