i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
