At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
