A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
