Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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