I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
