Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
