I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
