True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
they need to just BURY HIM!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
