Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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