Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
