I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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