Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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