I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
