Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
