I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize