i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
