Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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