i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
