I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
