PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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