Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
