at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
