We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
