I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize