the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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