Will you blow on my dice?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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