I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
