i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
