I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
