I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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