1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
