You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
