she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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