i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
