oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
