where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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