OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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