At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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