I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
