Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
