D3 body, D1 cock
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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