my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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