the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
